Reflections of Faith – What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

12 May

Sometimes, I don’t know what to do.

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Reason one,  there is so many tasks to be done that I can’t decide what to start first.  Which is a great excuse to procrastinate, but does not help the situation at all. If this is the case, I usually spend 10 minutes making a list, and literally flip a coin to decide where to start.  Usually it is just a penny from the Christmas fund, dropped randomly on the page – with my eyes closed.  Once I’m started, the tough part is done.

I do not make the list in any particular order, just write tasks as things pop into my mind.  I don’t prioritize the list because for me that is just another way to avoid taking any action at all.  And then, I realize, that not deciding is also draining my energy,  so if even the list making is overwhelming, I fall back upon an old disciplinary favorite.

About 2 years ago when inertia and depression were both the words of the day, I used a cheap white board with 30 squares.  We had used it in prior years as the caregiver day-chart when we had multiple bodies floating into and out of our home over a series of weeks and months.  Now, it lay unused.  One day, for whatever reason, I was poked into picking it up, erasing it, and listing 1 chore a day.  Just one.  And then I committed to get up every day, get dressed every day, load the dishwasher everyday, and do THE ONE chore.   Sometimes it took all 15 spoons just to do the first task – get up and get dressed.  But this board has continued to serve me well during times when chronic illness challenges me with the feeling of being over-whelmed and wanting to shut down.

The other reason why sometimes it is hard for me to do is that there is no motivation.  I know there are things to be done, but they aren’t “fun”, or “rewarding”, or “creative”.  They just need to be done.  These are the times when I wonder:  “Am I lazy?”  “Am I undisciplined”?  My older siblings are likely to say both as that is the curse of being the baby of the family.  But there is more to it.  Sometimes, in my heart of hearts, it is pure-selfishness.  I don’t want to do anything for anyone, I want to only do something fun for me.  Immature.  Effective in doing nothing or doing the “good – but not “best” things.

While some may think reason #2 is part and parcel of #1 and vice versa, I don’t.  For me, reason #1 involves health management and physical/mental being issues.  Reason #2 is a failure of character, the heart and/or involves spiritual issues.  At least for me.  So to deal with #2 – lack of motivation, I turn to the promises of scripture, the remembrances of all that God has done for me.  I sing a song or two and I count my blessings.  Then I ask God to help me do something for someone else, for a minimum of 20 minutes.  Amazingly, God answers that prayer.  Always.  And after the reflections of God’s blessings in my life, and the activity for others, motivation is restored, balance returns and selfishness fades.  Amazing how that works.

How about you?  Do you ever have days where it is difficult to just get going?

Martha L Shaw - Poet, Writer, Artist

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